OMG...It's totally an earthquake...or something.

OK, the wife called me out.

IF you live under a rock (or outside the Portland area), there was a "massive" 3.8 earthquake on August 3rd in an area just outside of Portland. We did not feel it, but others did. It was quite the news story.
Here are some of my favorite user experiences from the KGW blog, with some comments from me:

"Hi. Just thought I'd let you know that the quake tonight was actually the kind that makes noise. I thought something was crashing into the house, like a semi or a train. I live in an old house in Hazel Dell. I don't feel like sleeping now! It hit so fast that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I mean it. It only seemed to last for about 10 seconds. It actually felt like the house was being shaken in an up & down motion."

OH...It was THAT kind! Screw the Richter scale...we have a new measurement!

"I woke up to the house shaking and thought it was my son and his buddy down stairs messing around. I went down stairs and my son comes out of the bath room and says "Did you fell that. What was that?" "an earth quake?"

UH..."Messing around?" What on earth were THEY doing? Category 11:Brokeback Earthquake

"We woke up to the dogs barking (actually freaking out quite nicely) and a very big rumbling. Our house shook a LOT and the noise was unmistakable! Well actually, we weren't sure if it was an Earthquake or if Mount St. Helens had blown a good one! The coincidence of this is that my sister (in Sonoma, CA) experienced an earthquake just yesterday afternoon!"

Good thing the weren't freaking out badly...I heard that shortly after Mt St Helens was smoking a cigarette...What was you sister doing?

"In Tualatin... I thought my spouse had rolled over... but how did the closet doors bang together??? must have been the quake! I did make note of the clock, too.. 1:40am. Case closed!"

It must be the aliens! CLOSET DOORS! If your spouse "rolling over" causes that kind of rumbling...WOW!

"In Lake Oswego we woke to our bed rocking and rolling and pictures rattling the walls at 1:40am"

Now I think this person is just bragging.

"My husband and I woke up to it. We too had a bunch of kids staying the night in the basement and thought that it had to be them. It just felt like a sudden thud. Shortly after 1 a.m. for us, and we are in the downtown area of Vancouver. Boys left us a note that there had been an earthquake which apparently they read about on My Space."

Then we ate their livers with a nice Chianti....slurp slurp slurp

"We live in Fishers Landing area. Both me and my husband woke up at the same time 1:40 AM because our bed was shaking. I looked at him and looked at me and we both went back to sleep. I couldn't sleep anaymore and was wondering if it was an quake."

Riveting front line news!

"I was awakened this morning at 1:39 am by a shaking of my bed, and my mini blinds in my master bedroom windows rattling against the workwork. I thought I had dreamed it, but it also woke up my son. This morning, I checked on the interet, and there it was posted- the epicenter near Cherry Grove, which is about 2 miles from my house. WOW! I live in BattleGround."

Who knew that is where my house is! AMAZING!

"A few minutes before the earthquake shook the cats and the raccoons were really making a vocal fuss outside, didn't think much of it at the time. Then as the earthquake hit, it sounded like a large gust of wind hitting the side of our house and my bamboo plant moved from east to west (give or take a few degrees)."

What were the cats and racoons doing together to cause a "fuss"? And why do you have your bamboo plotted in degrees?

"I live in Scappoose and felt the quake, it felt like a wave, my dog just happened to be awake and laid flat on the kitchen floor"

Are you sure he was alive?

"I thought someone had ran their car into the side of my house, it shook that hard. Like four really hard,sharp jerking motions. I've lived here all my life, and this was definitely something different! I don't want to do this again! No wonder people leave California..."

I thought it was the overcrowding and housing prices...apparently it's the hard, sharp jerking motions.

"Live here in West Linn and definitely was awoken at 1:40...
Is that possible?"

Philosophers have been asking that question for hundreds of years...

"My husband and I were awakended from sleep by the quake. When checking on our 3 girls, who were also awake, we asked our middle one if she felt it, she replied, "Oh, is that what it was, I thought it was just sissy's hampster hitting the wall again"!"
You there, MIDDLE-ONE...was that an earthquake or have you three been playing racquet-hampster again?!

Oops, I did it again!

Sorry to quote Britney, but I just realized my big plans for getting on a regular blogging schedule have failed. I'm afraid we're chasing away the few readers we have, due to lack of posting. I'm really sorry, I'm trying - but things are really busy. I mean, I come home from work and I have so much TV and computer stuff to catch up on. What am I, Superwoman? I mean I can't do it all!!!!

Wait, that's not a good enough excuse. I know, it's the heat. I practically have heatstroke from these last few weeks of hotness. And on one of the hottest days of the year, Rick dragged me around town to take pictures. That took a whole week of recuperation. You can't expect me to blog after an experience like that can you? (Actually, it was quite fun. You can see some pictures from our day here...)

And hey, since I'm sitting here berating myself for not posting, it just hit me. You know what? The title of this blog is Views from Two. Hmmm, how long has it been since you've heard the views of the other "Two"? I'll tell you, it was way back in April. (To be fair, I've only posted twice since then but still.)

It reminds me of the time Rick said "Hey let's do a puzzle together," as he proceeded to pull a 1,000 piece mosaic Mickey Mouse puzzle off the store shelf. It was all good until the border was put together and the yellow shoes and red shorts were finished. Then suddenly football got more interesting than the puzzle. And the rest of the puzzle, all the blue stuff, yeah, I had to finish that. But I'm not bitter, I just don't like mosaic puzzles anymore.

Post Peep Daze

So over a month has passed since our last post, and I've just awoken from a Peep induced slumber. It didn't help that for my birthday, my sister and her family gave me copious amounts of peeps - just when I thought I had run out. So in an effort to catch you up on our goings on in May, I'll give you a quick run down of the highlights.

Went to Seattle
Saw a play that was lit by my FIL (Father in Law for you non-acronym knowing people. I spend way too much time on post wedding boards! Ack!)
My Birthday - Wow! I'm getting old! (But Rick will always be older! Ha Ha Ha.)
Took a ferry to San Juan Island.
Drove around said island and discussed plans to quit jobs and move to the island and live there forever.
Got drunk at a wine tasting while waiting to take the Ferry back.
Drunkenly laughed at a small child on a bicycle, free-basing pixie-stiks and riding his bike into traffic.
Laughed at the same child on the ferry as his pixie-stik induced sugar high had him running back and forth from one end of the boat to another.
Laughed as the same child fell off the boat.
(Just kidding, we didn't laugh.)
Rick got a new camera and has taken many, many photos. Some of which you can view here.
I'm sure many other exciting things happened in May, but I can't think of any right now. I just wanted to get another post up, so I could stop feeling so darn guilty.
We'll try to get back to a regular posting schedule one of these days!

P.S. The little kid didn't really fall off the boat. But I bet I made you gasp out loud!

Happy Easter Peeps!

Oh joyous day...Lent has ended and Easter has arrived! I am happy to report with the exception of a few slip-ups, I have succeeded in my Lenten promise and find that today I am much less the swearing sailor that I was 40 days ago. Easter also finds me happily full of Peeps! Oh Peeps! How I love your marshmellowy, sugary goodness. And, my darling husband is frightened of them, so that box of Peeps my parents gave us yesterday, are mine...all mine. (Except for the one little Peep that I will slip under Rick's pillow to scare him!)

It's funny how divided people are when it comes to the topic of Peeps. At work, there are only two of us in my department who have a true love for Peeps. She and I buy multiple boxes at after Easter sales and share with each other during the long days of Spring and Summer when there is nary a Peep in sight. And lucky for me, she has perfected the science of making stale Peeps. (If you've never had slightly stale Peeps, you are missing out on a Peep perfected.) A stale Peep has been exposed ever so slightly to the air, for about two weeks, and becomes a crunchy/chewy version of it's former self. Yum!

Oh! And there's one more reason I love Peeps. These sweet, little chicks and bunnies, realize the importance of research and often donate their little bodies in the name of science. (Peep Research) How could you not love such a generous and giving candy?

Bunnies are Deadly>Killer Rabbit<

Sorry for the neglect...we've been em...busy. Yeah, that's it.

This is quick but I needed to post this. It's festive and timely, plus it just might get my wife to blog about the scariest thing about this time of the year. Hint, small, gooey, sugar, scary, colourful...yuck.

Easter Bunny Exposed!

Many of you may have seen this, but I still enjoy it.

Hi to my buddy in Ireland. Yes, I read your blog too!
We love ya...have fun and drink much beer.

SPRING!!!!

It's true! My second favorite season of the year is here! Spring, wonderful Spring. And the weather today was just about perfect, sunny, yet still crisp. Absolutely delightful.

Unfortunately, the inauguration of Spring has also brought a few unwelcome guests to our home... Ants...the littlest of pests. At least they are not spiders, that would totally freak me out. Happily, I can report that they reside only under our couch, and not in our kitchen or other areas. I have no idea why they would, or how they could, get into our house via the wall behind the couch, but it does make for an easy place to stick ant traps, where the cats can't get at them. Hopefully, in a few days, the ants will have gone to that special place where ants who eat poison go. (The neighbors! ) Ha Ha Ha!

When I think about ants, I am reminded of a story my sister shared with me about setting up an ant farm a couple of years ago. When you order the ants with the farm, the instructions suggest you put the ants in the freezer for a few minutes to stun them before putting them into the farm. (Shh, don't tell PETA.) The directions would also be wise to suggest you to set up the farm before any children enter the classroom. Unfortunately, my sister was not privy to this little bit of advice.

So, with her kindergarten class in front of her, my sister takes the ants out of the freezer and opens the container intending to pour the stunned ants into the farm. As any professional ant farmer could tell you, it takes quite a bit of time to stun an ant using the freezer, so instead of peacefully falling into the farm, the ants swarm out of the container and proceed to go everywhere except into the farm. After several unsuccessful tries to collect the ants and put them in the farm, my sister was forced to stand up and tell the class, "I'm just letting you know, I'm killing them now!" And proceeded to stomp around and kill all the escapee ants, to the horror of the 20 five-year-olds sitting in front of her. To my knowledge, none of those children had any permanent trauma from the experience. But, I'm pretty sure that memory will come back to haunt them one day.

So here's wishing you a shiny, happy spring --- free from unfrozen ants.

Mired in self pity

Today it happened again.
I received a rejection letter. My poetry has been given the verbal equivalent of the big giant stage hook.
Not only has my poetry not been asked into the club, but it was requested that it move out of the roped off area. Maybe it's the velour jumpsuit? So tonight I am mired in a swamp of self pity and morose. It won't last too long, just long enough for me to question every talent I thought I had.
I should focus my brain on solving the time travel issue. I'd like to fire up the ol’ DeLorean, rev her up to 88mph and whoosh...off to the past.
First stop, unknown publishing house.
Target, the first editor or reader-of-slush that thought it was a good idea to send out generic rejection letters.
Method, general harassment by vicious paper cuts and strategic use of lemons.
There, done. Back to the future with me.
The world is a happier place now!
OK, so I'm not going to do that.
I just wish that the letters, postcard in this case, you receive from a publisher was more personal than:

"Dear Writer;
Piss off and stop troubling us with your drivel. We have much better things to do with our time than read your garbage. For instance, on the day your collection of poetry arrived, we were having a spirited nerf gun battle in the office. I actually had to take time away from office warfare to open your envelope long enough to get the SASE out and stuff it with this letter...er...postcard.
Best of luck placing your work elsewhere (perhaps they won't play nerf there).
Sincerely,
Literary Journal that will never publish you.

p.s. Thanks to you, I now have a suction cup dart stuck to my forehead."

OK, so I'm paraphrasing.

Well, as I have chosen this particular activity in which to try and succeed, I guess I should stop all this crybaby crap and get writing.
I'll send more word slop out, and perhaps I'll hit the next editor during a break in the nerf season.

YAY, 1st rejection letter of 2006!!! WooT@#$!$#
See, I'm getting better already.
All you can do is make fun of these things. I'm pretty sure Mark Twain even got rejection letters. Yeah, don't go check that, just trust me, HE DID, JUST LIKE ME!!!

So every thing will be ok.

BTW…MANY thanks to my wonderful wife who has to live with me during these foot stomping stages. And you thought Fish Friday’s were tough to live with.

The Night the World Went Black

So, yesterday I was all set to break our blogging dry spell, but fate had something else in mind for me. The schedule for last night went something like this: Get off work...check, Meet husband at home....check, Go inside turn on lights...click...click...what!!!!!

Actually, we knew before we went inside that the power was out, what we didn't know was that it had already been out for 3 hours. Unfortunately, this was the second time in the last month that the workers across the street had accidentally cut the power line. This was starting to get a little old. With the prospect of many hours in the dark, and no food in the fridge, we decided a trip to the grocery store was in order.

After doing a bit of grocery shopping and spending some valuable time in the toy aisle, we were ready to check out. As it turned out the person ahead of us in line was one of our neighbors. He told us the power was back on temporarily, but would be turned off later that night, as they were digging up the street to fix the problem. I guess when you live by the police station, that's one of the perks. We grabbed dinner, and made it home in time to catch a couple of shows while anxiously awaiting the darkness.

Finally, about 9:30 the power went off again. So the rest of the night was spent sitting by candlelight, gazing into each others eyes, and holding hands. Just kidding. We actually sat by candlelight, watched some podcasts on our iPod and held hands. All in all, not such a bad night. In fact, I might even ask them to cut the power again sometime.

Can I Get Some Fries With That Shake?

Sorry to have two food related posts in a row...but the other day I was reminded that the magic is back at McDonald's. No, they haven't brought back Grimace and the Hamburgler...it's simply time for those amazing, fabulous, Shamrock Shakes!

Now, I enjoy a minty fresh Shamrock Shake every March or so, but I had no idea people were so fanatical about them (or the lack of them). My sister has always had an unhealthy infatuation with the Shamrock Shake. As a teacher, she has been known to whip up a batch or two for her school's St. Patrick's day party, and would always have two or three, or ten, straight from the source. I personally think it's an addiction. But yet, as I sit here talking about them, I can almost taste the frothy, green goodness that is the essence of the Shamrock Shake.

Darn you MickyD's what do you put in that green dye? And why does the name "Shamrock Shake" have to be so catchy? Get thee to a McDonald's before it's too late, they are only available for a limited time.

Do you put ketchup on that?

This is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of.
I don't even have anything witty to say about it.
If you know that this is a hoax, please let me know so that humanity will be slightly less horrific in my mind.
Yuck

Hello Wrong Number.

A message was left on my cell phone today while I was at work. The message went something like this....

Overly cheerful, happy voice: "Hi! This is Sara Sassafrass* from Dr. X's office. This message is for Patricia Patterson."

At this point, Sara's voice takes on a slightly nervous tinge, perhaps because my name (which is clearly stated in my voicemail greeting) does not sound like anything remotely similar to Patricia Patterson. Now, if I were Sara, and was afraid that I had called the wrong number, I probably would have said, "I'm just returning your call, please call 555-5555" and hung up. But good old Sara, I'm afraid she's just not that bright. So in her nervous voice she says...

"“If this is Patricia, per your instructions from Dr. X, discontinue Eyedrops A, start Eyedrops B, and in 2 days start Eyedrops C. At your follow up appointment next week, we'’ll decide whether to keep you on B or C or both."

Again, here would be another good spot to hang up and move on. But not our Sara, she's just got to keep going. In fact, she's now on a roll. Her nervousness is gone and she's become brazen Sara. She begins berating poor Patricia Patterson for not reading the instructions Dr. X provided and tells her to read them carefully before she calls the office again. She finally rattles off the office phone number and says goodbye.

It's just my luck that Sara says the phone number too quickly (probably because she doesn'’t want Patricia calling back), so I am forced to listen to the message 3 times to try to get the number so I can call the office back and let them know they called the wrong number. I deleted the message and moved on.

The next message goes something like this...

"Hi Patricia, this is Sara again. I requested you not call the office before you read the instructions Dr. X wrote out for you. I just returned from lunch and am the only one who can answer your questions. Please read the directions carefully and call me back if you still have questions."

This time there was no nervousness in her voice, only thinly veiled anger. I am left feeling very sorry for Patricia and very angry at Sara.

I'’m about to hang up and call the office, when I realize I have another message. The message of course, is from Sara....

"Hi, this is Sara from Dr. X'’s office. I mistakenly left two messages on your voicemail as I was given the wrong phone number by one of our clients. Please disregard the dosing information for the medicine. It does not apply to you. Thanks, hope to see you soon."

Relieved that I don't have to call Sara back and talk to her in person, I think back on the conversations that took place. First, why does Sara hate Patricia so much? Why would Sara tell me to not pay attention to dosing information for medicine I do not have? Why does Sara hope to see me soon? Several hours later, I am still pondering these mysteries, and am extremely thankful I don't go to that doctor. I'm also glad I'm not Patricia Patterson.

*names changed to protect the innocent and the annoying.

You know it was a good day if you didn’t Hit or Bite anyone*

Friday was one of those days. A day where everything you work on seems to come to a dead end waiting for someone to get back to you, or when they do get back to you, you just have to start over. It’s like a bad game of Candy Land with no Gumdrop Mountain in sight. Come on people…it’s Friday, that magical day of the week when new projects cease and old projects come to fruition. In other words, it’s a wrap up day…give a girl a break!

All I really wanted to do after work was go home and relax, but my dear husband and I had the ingenious plan to go to the bank and finally set up our joint account. You ever been in a bank on a Friday night, right before closing? Trust me; it’s not all sunshine and roses in there. Honestly, we would have gotten better customer service if we had been sitting outside poking each other with scissors.

And of course, I’ve given up swearing for Lent so I couldn’t even properly vent my frustrations. “Oh my Ga…hhhwwww, What the….Heeee…ck?” I kept sputtering. I think Rick thought I might have an aneurism trying to come up with inventive non-swear words as we waited for someone to actually do their job. (You should know that this was the second time I had gone to the bank to set up this joint account…you can guess how well it went the first time. Luckily for me, that day, I was still able to swear!)

So, all’s well that ends well, I guess. Despite all the trouble, we finally have a joint account and my name change has been recorded in their system. Now we just have to wait a couple weeks for our new debit cards, checks and such. Fuuuuu….dge!

*This was a sentiment written on a wedding card we received. It is true for so many things, but for a wedding day, I feel it was particularly apropos.

Hello Newman

Nemesis. Ahhh, so evil sounding.
Do you have one? Not that bald guy who lives in a volcano and is surrounded by abnormal henchmen and sharks with freaking laser beams on their heads.
No, I'm talking about that person in your life.
That ONE!
The person that always seems to upstage you. Always has one story beyond yours.
ALWAYS had a better time then you.
You just got a raise, they got promoted. You wrote a song, they made an album. You published a poem, they sold their book, and the movie. You got married at the golf course, they got married at the mountain, in the snow, in the Alps.
That person.
You don’t really hate them, but your life would sure be better off without him or her. You can’t understand why people like them, but people swoon. You’re always nice to everyone, treat them equal, greet them cordially everyday. This person pokes fun, is aloof, rude, yet gravitational forces still converge on them. They aren't dependable, show up late, drink too much, yet all parties revolve around them.

You ever get rid of that person?
Actually have time without them.
Then, when you least expect it,

they return to your life.
ARGH!!!

"Honey, you got a little schmootz on your forehead."

Lent. I remember Lent. When I was younger I was an acolyte at an Episcopal church, very much like the Cathol's if you don't know. Every year the priests wanted to know what we were giving up for Lent. Snickers, sugar, beating up the neighbor kid, whatever. They obssesed about it, checking with us every week to see how we were holding up. Always reminding us of the reasons behind it all, which now have completly escaped me. I think I gave up listening to them one year.

Tonight my lovely wife will come home, I'll look at her, forget what day it is, say "honey, you got a little schmootz on your forehead." She'll kiss me and try to get some of it on me. I still don't know what she has chosen to give up for this Lental season (perhaps soup). Yesterday she still didn't know. I know we now have mystery meal on friday nights. I suffer, but I'll pull through. Whatever she decides she needs to give up, I will support her, and likely only tempt her with it every other day.
It's my job as her husband to make sure she remembers why she does this, and to remind her, often, how hard it is to sacrifice that thing.
See, I did learn something from those priests.
I'm such a good husband.

Mmmm....crab souffle.

Lent: Retreating Into the Wilderness with Jesus

Lent...the very word sends shudders through many Catholics; and yet, here we are on the eve of another Lenten season. I personally like Lent (not so much for the dying part, but for the rising again, for obvious reasons). In some ways it can get you back on track from those unfulfilled New Years resolutions, but it also is a time for preparation, kind of like Spring cleaning.

So today, because of Lent's impending presence, my free time was spent researching fish recipes. You know, because Fridays for the next seven weeks become "Fish Fridays!" Yum! My poor husband, marrying a Catholic, did he really know what he was getting into? So the best recipe of the day that I found was for a crab souffle...we'll let you know how it turns out.

The Title says it all

Welcome to our blog.