Hello Wrong Number.

A message was left on my cell phone today while I was at work. The message went something like this....

Overly cheerful, happy voice: "Hi! This is Sara Sassafrass* from Dr. X's office. This message is for Patricia Patterson."

At this point, Sara's voice takes on a slightly nervous tinge, perhaps because my name (which is clearly stated in my voicemail greeting) does not sound like anything remotely similar to Patricia Patterson. Now, if I were Sara, and was afraid that I had called the wrong number, I probably would have said, "I'm just returning your call, please call 555-5555" and hung up. But good old Sara, I'm afraid she's just not that bright. So in her nervous voice she says...

"“If this is Patricia, per your instructions from Dr. X, discontinue Eyedrops A, start Eyedrops B, and in 2 days start Eyedrops C. At your follow up appointment next week, we'’ll decide whether to keep you on B or C or both."

Again, here would be another good spot to hang up and move on. But not our Sara, she's just got to keep going. In fact, she's now on a roll. Her nervousness is gone and she's become brazen Sara. She begins berating poor Patricia Patterson for not reading the instructions Dr. X provided and tells her to read them carefully before she calls the office again. She finally rattles off the office phone number and says goodbye.

It's just my luck that Sara says the phone number too quickly (probably because she doesn'’t want Patricia calling back), so I am forced to listen to the message 3 times to try to get the number so I can call the office back and let them know they called the wrong number. I deleted the message and moved on.

The next message goes something like this...

"Hi Patricia, this is Sara again. I requested you not call the office before you read the instructions Dr. X wrote out for you. I just returned from lunch and am the only one who can answer your questions. Please read the directions carefully and call me back if you still have questions."

This time there was no nervousness in her voice, only thinly veiled anger. I am left feeling very sorry for Patricia and very angry at Sara.

I'’m about to hang up and call the office, when I realize I have another message. The message of course, is from Sara....

"Hi, this is Sara from Dr. X'’s office. I mistakenly left two messages on your voicemail as I was given the wrong phone number by one of our clients. Please disregard the dosing information for the medicine. It does not apply to you. Thanks, hope to see you soon."

Relieved that I don't have to call Sara back and talk to her in person, I think back on the conversations that took place. First, why does Sara hate Patricia so much? Why would Sara tell me to not pay attention to dosing information for medicine I do not have? Why does Sara hope to see me soon? Several hours later, I am still pondering these mysteries, and am extremely thankful I don't go to that doctor. I'm also glad I'm not Patricia Patterson.

*names changed to protect the innocent and the annoying.

Hello Newman

Nemesis. Ahhh, so evil sounding.
Do you have one? Not that bald guy who lives in a volcano and is surrounded by abnormal henchmen and sharks with freaking laser beams on their heads.
No, I'm talking about that person in your life.
That ONE!
The person that always seems to upstage you. Always has one story beyond yours.
ALWAYS had a better time then you.
You just got a raise, they got promoted. You wrote a song, they made an album. You published a poem, they sold their book, and the movie. You got married at the golf course, they got married at the mountain, in the snow, in the Alps.
That person.
You don’t really hate them, but your life would sure be better off without him or her. You can’t understand why people like them, but people swoon. You’re always nice to everyone, treat them equal, greet them cordially everyday. This person pokes fun, is aloof, rude, yet gravitational forces still converge on them. They aren't dependable, show up late, drink too much, yet all parties revolve around them.

You ever get rid of that person?
Actually have time without them.
Then, when you least expect it,

they return to your life.
ARGH!!!